Random Amazingly Lametastic Mentionables from London #Olympics2012

 

The other night I had a NIGHTMARE that I was actually competing in the Olympics and could not find where I was supposed to be for my event…because I had no clue what event I was competing in.

I was running around frantically, people were screaming, I heard chickens and babies crying, I tripped over a chicken I think…for some reason where I was supposed to be was just a hair out of reach. Not to mention I could not get out of the crap hotel I was staying in. PAGING dream analysts? Psychotherapists? Farmhands?

The 2012 summer Olympics coverage was my go-to doing laundry/’stepmill’ television programming. Unplanned. I know more about Michael Phelps than I can honestly say I ever wanted to. Good for him for going out in a blaze of glory…but I can’t say I really need to hear (for the 578,995 time) how many calories he eats a day and not sure that what she tweeted him before going to bed the night before his race is a top news story. *hangs self*

It is, however, worth mentioning that Phelps is the most ‘decorated’ Olympian of all time with 19 medals - womanizer or not. String some lights on him and call him a tree because December is only a couple months away and by then we will have moved on from Olympic glory and onto Kim Kardashian and Kanye’s wedding. *jumps off cliff*

Random commentary: Did you people see this DIVE the “definition of FAIL” by German diver Stephen Feck? I want to laugh but instead I feel sorry for him. Is it possible to screw up on a bigger stage than that?? His, er, dive is even worth sitting through Yahoo News’ annoyingasallgetout 20 second commercial feed. I have a feeling dude is going into witness protection like meow >^..^<.

Ryan Lochte, the swimmer that ran away with the GOLD in the 400 meter Individual Medley and the waterboy that has replaced Michael Phelps in the hearts of the ladies across America wore a custom made bejeweled American flag grill for the medal ceremony? So now he’s gangsta, I guess?

US gymnast MacKayla Maroney was the supposed front-runner for olympic gold – until she fell on the women’s vault – the event that she is considered one of the best in the world at — and took the runner up prize instead.

The face she pulled while adorned in silver was comedy gold - and became a true overnight ‘viral phenom’ (is it possible to hate a term more?!) – spawning a series of ‘McKayla is not impressed’ memes,– gifs and the like. Some say ‘unsportsmanlike‘ and that McKayla is ‘spoiled and ungrateful’ — I say we should all just pitch a big ol country corn public hissy whenever we don’t get something we want. Because, I mean, obviously, that gets you somewhere.

Speaking of gymnasts – I feel for USA’s own Gabby Douglas. Apparently, her amazing turn as the all-around champion was secondary news to the hairstyle she chose. 

I actually saw people on Twitter saying that gold medal or not – she should have rethought the hair clips and the gel she used.

How I wish I were kidding.

Can someone explain Jessie J’s outfit for the closing ceremonies?! It looks like half an old dance school costume that someone dug up last minute. Cher and Bob Mackie would be sickened proud.

On that note…who is Jessie J.?

Proud moment for the USA. I’ll close this post by saying that the good ol’ US of A PWNED the Olys with 46 Gold medals – with a 104 medal total.

We came, we conquered…we blinged our grills and and gave death stares. Over and out.

I’m going to sleep (currently 1:21am and I am starting to see things) but I wanted to mention that there will be some BOOOOTY MADNESS coming late late this week for all of you PAPER DOLLS, TEARDOPS, BUMPER CARS and even the HAPPY CAMPERS out there. Neato – can’t wait.

Oh, and HAPPY MONDAY

-AM

 

 

 

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